Into Shiva’s Cave
INTO SHIVA’S CAVE once again documents a journey deep into sacred space. Here I’m in the protection of Ganesh’s father, Shiva, the Hindu Lord of the Dance, known as the Creator and Destroyer who destroys what’s in our way.
This does not make me a Hindu. It shows that, at the eidetic level, the gods and heroes of different cultures collaborate, passing us around among themselves to put us in the hands of the best man, or woman, for the rescue job ready to be done at the moment.
The actor Sean Penn, on Charley Rose the night I wrote this poem, told the story of a couple who had just brought a new baby home from the hospital. They invited their four year old to come with them to meet the baby. The four year old refused, insisting on wanting to meet the baby alone. After several refusals, the couple reconsidered, thinking there might be something important they should allow to happen. They could listen on the intercom to make sure everything was all right. They heard their four year old approach the crib and say to the baby: “Tell me about God, I am forgetting.”
There is something so perfect about this story one wonders if it is true. In any case it speaks of the direct states of communication with our divine wise child nature that imaging restores to us, and adulterated, jaded memory consciousness closes us out of.
Now, when I get thrown off,
into that place that feels like noplace.
that odd interstices
I get caught in
scared stiff,
I can simply see that I go to Shiva’s cave
and listen for his heart beating.
I hear it right away, reverberating
from the cliff face over the mouth of the cave.
As soon as I enter I lie down in the cave vestibule
where the walls slant down at the edge,
and, in that snug space,
I rub my back into the cave floor,
put my knees up, and lie there happily,
knowing Shiva is in the other room
waiting to be with me whenever
I am ready to put in an appearance.
He even talks with me as I lie there,
answering my dumb questions, like:
“Are you there?”
In my mind’s eye I see him smiling,
glad that I am there.
I take a roundabout approach to him.
One day I get up and go to the center
of the vestibule. Facing the glowing
golden wall Shiva is hidden behind,
I do handstands and cartwheels towards him.
My mean sister shows up, however,
and I turn into a cricket wanting only to hop away.
But Shiva and I are working
on this shyness together.
I don’t know how I know this,
since we haven’t met yet.
Our cooperation is in the air.
So one day I snake my way
around the edge of the golden wall.
Shiva is so pleased. And I feel so good, too,
though I am still a tiny black cricket
standing before Shiva standing so proud and tall.
Since then I notice that whenever
I go to Shiva’s cave
I still like to start out lying down
and rubbing my back into the cave floor,
and smiling, knowing that Shiva is right there
in the other room waiting
to have an audience with me whenever I’m ready.
Whenever time is ripe.
Sometimes I just lie there and listen
for his heart beat and mine goes Boom Boom too,
sending a beautiful shudder of warm energy
rippling right through me.
Boom boom. The whole cave fills with warmth
and wraps me in it.
Today I get that nice feeling again
that the wall is down between us.
We’re in this big spacious cave together.
Though it’s dark, somehow it’s bright here.
I can’t see Shiva yet. I bet he can see me.
“Yes!” he says triumphantly.
He’s been wanting me to know that
for a long long time.
I can’t disappear in his eyes. Never!
Tears of joy brim over in my eyes.
And I can see and hear Shiva is triumphant.
This has been such a hard one for me
since I was always being disappeared as a young child
and grew up understanding that the thing to do
is to get out of the way and stay there.
Shiva has a smile on his face now
like my Father’s brightest broadest smile.
We are overjoyed.
“Yes!” my inner voice chimes in whisperingly,
not wanting to go unheard in this scene
we’ve sought for so long.
I feel my child’s smile giggling all across my face
as I see myself lying on my back before Shiva
kicking my applause right under his nose.
Shiva scoops me up and holds me,
looking deep into my eyes as he sways steadily
and swings me cradled in his strong arms.
His love goes so deep I understand why
cupid carries a quiver of arrows.
I see Shiva’s look of love entering
that flat place in the center of my chest,
the arena of my heart where mortal combat
now gives way to peace.
I feel radiant warmth spreading
from that center where the warmth of his love enters,
and I see the child in Shiva’s arms melting,
almost wanting to throw herself back
with abandon like a siren chanteuse.
I understand now that people really want
to show off with abandon
as I’m about to do as this kid in Shiva’s arms.
I see Shiva and I are working here
to liberate this show off in me,
free her from the habit of dread
she’s been wrapped in so damned long.
Watching to see what’s going to happen next
in Shiva’s arms, I see this huge giggle
welling up in my belly
and my cheeks are polished with joy
as I’m about to curl and spring up.
I throw myself over on his arms
and spring up like an acrobat riding two horses,
one foot planted on each of Shiva’s palms.
What an act!
Shiva holds me there like an alert juggler
waiting for my next move.
I hop down and do an extensive flourishing
swan dive bow at his feet.
He swoops up my hands in his
and we stand there together awhile
holding each other’s hands
in thankful joyous fervent prayer.
Then he lifts me onto his shoulders
and I ride wherever he’s taking me,
my small hand holding on
pressed against his forehead
right over the third eye.
He sets me down now, and takes my hand.
I get the feeling we’re embarking
on a long journey where we will need to be
side by side, hand in hand.
“Yes!” my inner voice says emphatically.
I feel we’ve just left tons of dread behind.
“Yes,” my inner voice murmurs, insisting
on letting me know this encouraging voice
is going with us wherever we go.
“Yes,” the voice whispers again. “Yes!”
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© Janet K Bloom 2010. All Rights Reserved.